This was originally written while thinking of a girl I liked at the time who effectively used a few of the things described, but obviously I didn't send it to her, I'm way too cowardly for that. Still thought it somewhat nicely describes the part of me that this livejournal is about:

How to take control of me, exploit me emotionally and financially, and thoroughly fuck me up

Step 1: Taking control

You're hot, confident, and dominant? That pretty much means I'll definitely lose the game if you decide we start playing it. Because I'm an obese and ugly, self-loathing masochist. So chances are that if we meet, in real life or online, I'll quickly gain some interest in you as soon as you show a little of yourself. Here's how to turn interest into infatuation:

- Be sexy. Make it clear that you want me to find you hot. I don't know the mechanism behind this, but a hot girl becomes so much hotter still when I notice she wants me to want her. Maybe it's because it suggests that you'd actually be interested in me. You won't be, but my dick doesn't get it. It's fucking stupid, and it's the leash you can mainly lead me around by.

- Be cute. Sexual attraction is the main thing that's needed to take control of me, because that's what makes my submissive side kick in, but if you manage to couple it with affection it will have the most devastating effect. Being cute, unintentionally, and even more intentionally, is a good way of fueling both sexual attraction and affection in me. Put on a pouty face, say cute things, put on a baby voice - doesn't matter how blatantly obvious it is what you're doing, it will still work.

- Be confident. Be very confident. Always let it be known that you know how great you are. Confidence is attractive to pretty much everyone; for a submissive like me it makes a girl even greater, puts her on an even higher level that's completely out of my reach.

- I have little to no self-esteem when it comes to women. At the point I'm writing this I'm 25, and I've never been with a girl, I'm obese, I'm ridiculously shy when I like a girl. Use this knowledge against me. In the early stages of our "relationship", show some interest, whether it's real or not. Make me think you care about me; I'm so desperate when it comes to girls that it will completely cloak my brain and I'll ignore how obvious it is that you'd never actually be interested in me; I'll think a miracle is happening, a perfect girl cares about me, this feels so good. I've had very few moments in my life when I thought a girl I liked is interested in me, therefore if it happens it will make my affection for you grow - and if you take away the little attention you gave me for a short while in the beginning, it will leave me craving to get more of it, wanting to please you to get more of it. But you won't give it.

- Make me profess my love for you, over and over, it will work as a mantra.

Once you've taken control, start

Step 2: Exploiting me, furthering the control, and fucking me up

- Keep control over my sex life. You decide what I get to do and what I don't. That will probably mean denying me sexual pleasure most of the time. Either completely forbid me to touch myself, or allow me to touch myself, but not to cum. As I've mentioned above, sexual attraction and being horny is what triggers submissiveness in me, so while you'll have to allow me some pleasure every once in a while, you'll want to make sure I'm horny most of the time, as that's what keeps me attentive.

- Make me do things for you. Make me buy you things, make me flatter you, make me do tasks for you. if I'm not obedient, play games. Tell me how disappointed you are in me, tell me it's a sign I don't like you as much as I say, tell me it's making you sad. I can't live with making anyone sad, let alone a great girl, so this should be very effective. When I am obedient, usually show how happy you are about it, make it clear that acting the way you want me to will make you happy and that this should be my main objective; however, sometimes just ignore something I've done for you. It will make me wonder if there's something wrong, it will be a letdown, it will make me want to please you more until I get a reaction again. In general it's a good idea not to be predictable; ask me to be reliable, whereas you do whatever you feel like at the time, maybe intentionally something to confuse me every once in a while. The predictable, reliable person is controllable, whereas the unpredictable person takes control over a relationship once there is affection established.

- When you feel that there's a moment when my affection is very strong: exploit that. Usually by making me do things, but occasionally by just giving me nothing, by ignoring me the very moment you notice my affection is strong. This will hurt a lot, but it will only make my love grow. It's a good investment into keeping me bound a long time.

- Occasionally give me a little of the affection you gave me in the beginning. You got me addicted then, now it will suffice to give me a drop of it every once in a while and I'll start hoping for a wave to be coming again soon and try to catch it.

- Mock me. Tell me how pathetic and worthless I am. It will make my heart feel miserable, but my cock hard. Which is, for some a reason, a combination I crave, even though it's destructive. Once I like you and find you hot you can pretty much do anything, be as mean as you want, it will only make me like you more.

- If you want to exploit me: get me drunk. Order me to get drunk. The combination of being horny and sexually attracted to you, feeling miserable about myself, and of lack of self-control is what makes me vulnerable for you. Getting drunk strenghtens all three.

- Hurt me at the moments I crave you most. Start talking about your boyfriend when I want you the most, and tell me how I'll never have a chance with you. Tell me I'm a fag. But tell me I can still stick around and dream of being with you, as long as I behave.